Gabe Nachman called me in the middle of the afternoon. He wanted to come over right away. “I’ve got the pitch of the century,” he said. “Let me hear it,” I said. “Not over the phone,” he said. “Some fucker…
The Last Pitch
What Happened to Harry
It was more than just one thing that brought Harry down. It was in fact an entire series of events that led to the predicament that put poor Harry in this place. To begin with, he was out in Wyoming…
Real Estate Horror
Owning property has its risks. The torture of escrow is not always the end of the horror. Plumbing and electrical problems can drive a home owner to bankruptcy. Structural issues can make an erstwhile home into a house of death.…
Naked and Duct-Taped to a Naugahyde Chair
Have you ever sat with your bare skin exposed on naugahyde or vinyl long enough that your skin became adhered to the fabric as if someone had put glue there as a joke? You sit for just a second, and…
Enter the Germans
It’s true that I live the kind of life where a simple trip to buy office supplies turns into a weeklong debacle that includes kidnapping, international espionage, a drunken brawl, some minor facial surgery, hostages, and a trip to Bermuda.…
The Legwork Begins
It was not wrong of Jenifer Ridley Gale to ask me to find Elias Croehe. Aside from the personal debt of history, prior to my retirement finding lost people and lost things was my forté. Most of my life I…
The Missing Chapter
There is the question of why I withdrew from society for so many years. It is a question I am hesitant to answer, mostly due to my natural reluctance to admit weakness in this predatory world. But the facts and…
Retained by Debt of History
How did I become drawn into the case of the missing Elias Croehe? It’s not as if I seek these things. Not any more. I had left that sort of business behind me long ago and walked away from the…
The Investigation of the Missing
This is the last place anyone saw Elias Croehe. He was drinking a tropical milkshake and staring out at the ocean. After he disappeared, his family and friends looked for him everywhere. On the beach, around the neighborhood. They went…
Lebowski’s Journey
Written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen, The Big Lebowski is most notably a delightful sendup of film noir tropes, a particular twist on the “man who knew too much.” Drawn into a series of strange events due to…
They Hunt Truffles, Don’t They?
“I’m going to get one of those truffle-hunting dogs.” “I thought they use pigs to hunt truffles.” “I’ve seen dogs do it.” “Yeah?” “Some dogs. Dogs with good noses.” “Dogs with pig noses?” “I don’t know about that.” “Some people…
Old Fashioneds
Back in the Eighties sometimes we would spend long hours drinking cocktails and talking about the things people talk about when they spend long hours drinking cocktails. There was an old editor who lived in the village and enjoyed taking…
True Day
A Chinese philosopher once told me each person has two birthdays: the day they physically entered the world, and the day they were conceived. He was obviously a life-begins-at-conception kind of guy. In fact, we initially crossed paths because I…
In the Kingdom of the Blind
In the Kingdom of the Blind, the one-eyed man is supreme, and a one-eyed Jack could become a one-eyed King. In the Kingdom of the Blind, the eyeglass salesmen go broke while the monocle salesman grows fat with affluence due…
Citizen Kane
My friend MacGilleathain, art critic and budo master, had never seen Citizen Kane. So we bought two big cans of Scottish ale and staked out the front row of the underground repertory theater. The cinema was literally underground, converted from…
What It Means To Live One Foot In The Grave
The idea of living one foot in the grave comes from the Zen masters, some of whom would carry a tiny coffin with them when they traveled, a reminder of their mortality, a token of the temporary nature of existence.…