Ronald Reagan died and went to hell.
He was just as surprised about it as you are.
He wasn’t expecting a standing ovation but he got one.
Many souls enduring torment appreciate a rousing speech.
It gets tiresome, all that weeping and gnashing of teeth.
The tedium of torture begs variety and change in its hellish routine.
Reagan demurred but the damned insisted.
Always one to please his fans, the actor soon relented.
He reminded them that no matter their current circumstance, there was always room for hope.
He told them to be proud of who they are, or rather were,
and implored that they should not live, or rather not not-live, in shame.
He admonished those who would criticize and judge others for their failings.
No one is perfect, he insisted. We all make mistakes.
In spite of your flaws, he concluded, we are still the same.
The audience roared with mad applause.
Reagan smiled and burned with satisfaction.