Stories. My stories. (Not all them of them are fiction.)
Napoleon was an angry little man. This is common knowledge. It is written: Napoleon was short and insecure. Psychology even names a type of inferiority complex after the little general. But like so many things in this darkling world, there is little veracity to this tidbit of common knowledge. Point of fact: Napoleon was five-six, which is only three inches shorter than the average…
When the phone rings and wakes you in the dark of the night, sometimes it takes a moment to get your bearings. It was about half-past two in the morning when my telephone rang and woke me in my Chelsea hotel room. I’d been asleep a little over two hours after a five hour plane flight, so it took me a few seconds to…
What the hell am I doing in New York? Every time I come to this city it’s raining. Seattle has the reputation for precipitation but it’s New York that really gets the rain. Gazing out the taxi window I can only remember the last time I was here, which was a long time ago. As in, Reagan was President. What the hell am I…
Gabe Nachman called me in the middle of the afternoon. He wanted to come over right away. “I’ve got the pitch of the century,” he said. “Let me hear it,” I said. “Not over the phone,” he said. “Some fucker at the NSA will hear this, quit his job, and beat us to the punch.” Gabe is an old enough and important enough friend…
It was more than just one thing that brought Harry down. It was in fact an entire series of events that led to the predicament that put poor Harry in this place. To begin with, he was out in Wyoming with the Professor before anything happened. Whether they were on some kind of paleontology dig or just digging recreationally was never made clear, but…
“I’m going to get one of those truffle-hunting dogs.” “I thought they use pigs to hunt truffles.” “I’ve seen dogs do it.” “Yeah?” “Some dogs. Dogs with good noses.” “Dogs with pig noses?” “I don’t know about that.” “Some people use dogs to hunt truffles.” “Dogs don’t eat truffles.” “Pigs eat truffles?” “Pigs love truffles. You know how we like bacon? That’s how pigs…
Back in the Eighties sometimes we would spend long hours drinking cocktails and talking about the things people talk about when they spend long hours drinking cocktails. There was an old editor who lived in the village and enjoyed taking small groups of young writers out for dinner and drinks. We usually met at this grand old hotel near the plaza, a vast adobe…
A Chinese philosopher once told me each person has two birthdays: the day they physically entered the world, and the day they were conceived. He was obviously a life-begins-at-conception kind of guy. In fact, we initially crossed paths because I punched him in the gut when he was trying to block access to an abortion clinic. The punch had little effect. For a little…
In the Kingdom of the Blind, the one-eyed man is supreme, and a one-eyed Jack could become a one-eyed King. In the Kingdom of the Blind, the eyeglass salesmen go broke while the monocle salesman grows fat with affluence due to his exclusive arrangement with one-eyed King Jack. The royal eye deserves the best after all. A different monocle for every occasion! The kingdom…
“So that’s over,” he said. “I reckon we can go back to forgetting about it.” “Sometimes you just gotta move on,” she told him. That much was a simple truth. Lots of other people had moved on. Other would. But for some reason it was not for him. “I can’t forget.” “You won’t forget,” she argued. “That’s just your way. It always has been.”…