Whiskey Charlie Lockdown

There are so many ways to keep in touch these days. It’s a wonder people aren’t closer. It used to be in the old days you didn’t see someone for days or weeks, you had to call them, or wait…

Daylight Savings (House on Fire)

Daylight Savings Time has been controversial since its inception. People do not like it when you mess with time. The clock in the head must match the clock of the day or else one risks madness. There is no time…

Breakfast Apocalypse

It is always the end of the world these days. Everyone is apoplectic. No one is apologetic. It used to be that the end of the world would come and go like the tide but it’s everywhere these days like…

Finish the Story

It was Tuesday and I was walking along Hollywood Boulevard when this woman approached me. Her skin was pale and her face so caked with cosmetics she could be the walking dead and no one would notice. She was wearing…

The Art Spirit

Art school was often about hanging out with other art students, smoking cigarettes and drinking beer, and usually talking or arguing about art, philosophy. or music. Most artists listen to a lot of music. Nobody paints in a quiet studio.…

Happy New Year

  1) Never trust a cop in a raincoat. 2) Beware of enthusiasm and of love, both are temporary and quick to sway. 3) If asked if you care about the world’s problems, look deep into the eyes of he…

One Interesting Morning

It was the day after somebody shot Cindy Ryder’s dog with a crossbow and most of the people in town had heard about it. The dog wasn’t a particularly well-loved animal, but the shooting of any pet tends to heighten…

Two Bits

There were two bits of advice Bob Ranger gave his brother Kevin before the latter shipped off to college in California. “Never borrow more than you can repay,” Bob advised. “and stay away from women with dogs.” The first piece…

One Iron

Jimmy Killingsworth always told me I keep too many irons in the fire. He was the first person to give me a copy of Gravity’s Rainbow, the man who turned me on to Pynchon, so I was inclined to take…

This Day

“You know what day it is?” “Tuesday?” “Thursday, actually. But no, the date.” “I don’t know the day of the week and you think I know the date?” “They’re not the same thing.” “I don’t know. It’s October, right?” “Right.”…

Confessions of an Agency Goon

When I first came to Hollywood, a cauldron of unholy loves sang all around my ears. Which is to say, I was a production assistant at a talent agency that specialized in representing fashion models. This may sound like the…

Face-off at the Fairfax Farmers Market

Tuesday is always a good day to visit the Fairfax Farmer’s Market. There’s rarely a crowd, only in summer when long tour buses line up along 3rd and hordes of Japanese and Germans crowd the market. Since the grass knoll…

Napoleon’s Brandy

Napoleon was an angry little man. This is common knowledge. It is written: Napoleon was short and insecure. Psychology even names a type of inferiority complex after the little general. But like so many things in this darkling world, there…

Manhattan Rain

What the hell am I doing in New York? Every time I come to this city it’s raining. Seattle has the reputation for precipitation but it’s New York that really gets the rain. Gazing out the taxi window I can…