They Hunt Truffles, Don’t They?

“I’m going to get one of those truffle-hunting dogs.” “I thought they use pigs to hunt truffles.” “I’ve seen dogs do it.” “Yeah?” “Some dogs. Dogs with good noses.” “Dogs with pig noses?” “I don’t know about that.” “Some people…

Old Fashioneds

Back in the Eighties sometimes we would spend long hours drinking cocktails and talking about the things people talk about when they spend long hours drinking cocktails. There was an old editor who lived in the village and enjoyed taking…

In the Kingdom of the Blind

In the Kingdom of the Blind, the one-eyed man is supreme, and a one-eyed Jack could become a one-eyed King. In the Kingdom of the Blind, the eyeglass salesmen go broke while the monocle salesman grows fat with affluence due…

Citizen Kane

My friend MacGilleathain, art critic and budo master, had never seen Citizen Kane. So we bought two big cans of Scottish ale and staked out the front row of the underground repertory theater. The cinema was literally underground, converted from…

Happy Anniversary, Katrina X/O

“So that’s over,” he said. “I reckon we can go back to forgetting about it.” “Sometimes you just gotta move on,” she told him. That much was a simple truth. Lots of other people had moved on. Other would. But…

Greymadder Meets the Lucky Bastard

A foul cloud of yellow-green smoke moved slowly down the alley. Dogs ran from it, howling and barking as if chased by demons. Children wailed as it passed, their eyes stinging and their skin blistering. Those fast enough to shutter…

Tetsuo’s Last Stand

The door was locked, the key tossed over the wall and into the night. His brother and the rescued hostages were safe on the other side, headed for the waiting boats and their escape. Tetsuo turned and faced the dozen…

Happy New Year

After the New Year we sailed our sandbikes along down the gulf where we hung around the landfill plinking rats with pellet rifles. The rats are the size of kittens so they make good targets. We found this place at…

Only Watubi Can Save You Now

Skipper Jonas Grumby finds this old tiki idol and believes he’s under the “curse of Kona.” Only the powerful witch-doctor Watubi can save him. Skipper is rendered nearly mad by his fear of the curse, his senses so distorted that…

The News from Traumaville

Lately I’ve been watching a lot of John Cassavetes movies and staying up late with gypsy minstrels composing musical space opera set on the Jovian moons of Io and Europa. Fire and ice are prominent themes. When the musicians get…

Hairy Solstice

“What are you doing for Christmas?” Shorty asked me. “Same thing I do every year. Nothing.” “Do you celebrate the solstice?” I do celebrate the solstice, but I lied and told him I didn’t. “My wife used to celebrate the…

It’s Not You, It’s Me

“So how did it go on Friday?” “Pretty good. Dinner, drinks. Then she wanted to go back to my place.” “That makes things easier.” “Except in the morning, it’s either driving or cab fare.”

Pravic Magazine on Boing-Boing

Mark this item off my bucket list: “Get name mentioned on Boing-Boing.” The latest issue of Pravic magazine, in which my short story “The Robot Felt” appears, was noticed by the editors at Boing-Boing.

Daily Advice from Marcus Aurelius

Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busy-body, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial. All these things happen to them by reason of their ignorance of what is good and evil. But I who have…